Today’s photo memory on my computer transported me to eight years ago—the day I rang the bell after my final chemotherapy infusion. Waves of emotions came unbidden. Uncertainty. Determination. Loneliness. Compassion. One feeling left on the sand when all others rode the waves back is gratitude.
Pulling the bell’s rope that day represented more than completing a phase of cancer treatment. It celebrated the amazing healthcare professionals, from oncologist to lab technician, who showed up for me week after week. They advised, listened, assessed, and compassionately treated me. I am so grateful for UC Health Cancer Center, Harmony Campus, and Medical Center of the Rockies, even eight years later. They continue to take good and diligent care of me.
Ringing that bell was a testament to the care I received from my husband. Tony walked with me every step. When I said I wanted to go to chemo alone, he respected that decision and let me build relationships with women who were truly alone in their journey. Tony fixed meals (still does), listened to me, and made life as normal as possible. I regret he has had to suffer with me, but I am oh so grateful for his love and care. He is every bit as kind and loving as he sounds when I talk about him. Never could I have been deserving of that kind of love. I am grateful for my husband.
And my family and friends-like-family! I have prayer warriors who prayed over every step of treatment and who respected my desire for them to first pray I would honor God throughout this journey. I started chemo with enough blankets to cover our bed and our guest bed, along a couple of lap blankets. I ended the experience with blankets from big box stores, gifts from a daughter and friends. Two hand-crocheted blankets were gifts from a neighbor and a dear woman who crocheted while watching her mother pass from the disease. Prayer lap blankets arrived from Texas and Louisiana. There were others. I took a different blanket to chemo each week and shared its origin with anyone who asked. What a joy to share hope and encouragement! My sister made me a victory quilt that still covers me when I need a reminder. Friends and family made sure I had food and a clean house. One made sure I had a note of encouragement each week for a year. Even now, I have friends who celebrate with me and continue to walk with me in the side effects of medication. Some truly understand and don’t shy away from hard conversations. Friends and family are high on my gratitude list.
Those blankets led me, in a God-routed way, to the University of Northern Colorado Cancer Rehabilitation Institute. It’s a place of emotional safety for hundreds of cancer patients past and present, and I have found a home there. The program researches the impact of exercise on cancer treatment. The research has definitively proven exercise reduces the side effects of treatment and increases longevity. I admit to a growing love for exercise. More than that, I have a growing love for the people there. The clients come from every walk of life; some are new in this journey and some have been fighting for a long time. Some are grandparents. Some have young children. All are courageous. The exercise specialists are young people who are coming into the clinic well prepared to walk with their clients for a semester. They plan exercise sessions that fit the client. These young adults are relational, professional, and teachable. These are the difference-makers in the field of cancer rehabilitation. I am so grateful for them! Since March of 2017, they have been instrumental in every aspect of my recovery.
Gratitude is good, but it is only good when it is aimed at something more than a nebulous nether world. Psalm 9:1 says, “I will thank the Lord with all my heart; I will declare all your wonderful works.” My gratitude goes to the Lord. He does wonderful works in my life—and often he uses amazing people.
Today as I reflect on ringing the bell, I choose to thank God. He is able to use cancer to share His goodness, as He has done in my life. I live in gratitude.
